How I realized I had a food addiction || Do you have it? || Can We Heal?

My Food Addiction Story:
The Pre-op Liquid diet; the diet that brought me to my knees. I remember day 1. I felt like I was going crazy. My instructions for this diet were to consume nothing but liquids for two weeks before my scheduled vertical sleeve gastrectomy. The list of items to consume included: Gatorade zero, decaf coffee and tea, broth, water, sugar-free popsicles, sugar-free jello.

Let’s Back Up Just a Tad….

Now up to this point (6 months of doctor appointments), I hadn’t really been on the correct path. My insurance required 6 months of pre-op appointments to be approved for surgery. I specifically remember being told, “just don’t gain weight”. The food addict in me heard that loud and clear! I didn’t gain weight, but I didn’t lose either. My brain and body, totally addicted to high fat, high carb toxic foods, knew how to play this game. I still binged, I still ate all the wrong foods, I just knew how to cut back the week before my doctor appointment to get my weight back on track to pass the weighing test at each appointment. Just like an addict, not even realizing I’m participating in this behavior, my brain devised and wired up a plan to work out all the time I had to eat what I wanted and how to cut it out when needed to cover up the damage I’d done. All the energy I used to keep up my bad behavior, I could have used to start actually preparing for my lifestyle change. Hindsight is 20/20.

The First Week

Boy, this first week was a doozy! I recorded these days on my youtube channel for all to see the dirty ugly truth. The first day was actually ok. I craved solid food but I was still managing the cravings and sticking to the diet. The second day it all hit me like a ton of bricks. Not realizing it, I had just quit my drug cold turkey! The mind games my brain was playing on me was not expected! I craved foods I hardly ever ate, just for the sake of eating, like rice and pickles (blah). I was happy one moment, than crying or angry the next. I expected the anger (I had quit smoking cigarettes plenty of times before and knew the drill), but I never expected the crying. I was an emotional wreck. Just like when I smoked cigarettes, I was using food to mask my stress or emotions of any sort. Without it, I had no cover. The pent up emotions just flowed. I was shocked. I felt cray cray. Most of all I felt cravings for my long lost friend….food.

Day 2 I remember taking bites of food and spitting it out in the trash repeatedly, just to feel like I was eating. By the 3rd day, all hell broke loose and I totally cheated! My mind told me I could play this game; told me that I could cheat because it was still early in the game, and repair before the end (just like before my doctor appointments). By day 4, I was disgusted with myself and decided to recommit.

Week 2 Was Another Food Addiction Struggle

No surprise right? Week 2 was another struggle. I looked for every reason to cancel the surgery. Even though I had done extensive research and months of appointments, my addiction had one last fight left: cancel surgery. I tried to scare myself to death for the first 3 days of the second week. I even came up with a plan to not do surgery and just do counseling for food addiction. Then 4 days before surgery, I woke up with the clarity to realize that this fear was not my steadfast behavior the last few months preparing for this day. It was a last-ditch effort from my body trying to keep me miserable and unhealthy from pure addiction to bad behaviors and foods. It was a breakup with food and it was sad but empowering at the same time. The last few days before surgery, I was still scared but renewed in my efforts. I was committed and finally did the pre-op diet correctly.

What Am I Getting At??

What I’m trying to get at folks is just sharing my example for the person out there reading this questioning their own self. Food addiction can come in many forms. Everyone’s story is different. The purpose of sharing my details is to show the desperation to keep doing something harmful to my body. That’s an addiction, in my opinion. If you feel you are in the same boat or have some sort of desperation that is a total emotional roller coaster (which in turn leads to physical roller coasters), you are not alone. Every day is a new day. Carpe Diem! It is time to make a change. Change can come in many forms, a new lifestyle, weight loss surgery, or counseling.

Self Love Can Heal

One thing I have always believed in heavily is positive affirmations. One little tool I always use is posting positive affirmations at my house, my office, or the car that I will see as reminders….often. Healing yourself from any bad habit takes a lot of work. It’s not just an idea, it’s all the in-between moments and minutes that make up the hours that turn into days. You know all those posts on Facebook or Insta that you see and “like” because they say something that pings at your heartstrings? Yeah, well…those unique, strong-willed affirmations are useful at all random times. Seeing them can give you that boost you need to continue on your path or success. It may not seem like much but I challenge you to give it a try! I also offer accountability coaching. Scroll to the bottom to explore

Free Positive Vibes!!!

I have a few favorites I’ve decided to lend you to get you started! Print these out, hang them on your bedroom or bathroom mirror, on your fridge, etc. Read them aloud to yourself every time you see them. Let your brain hear what you decide. Run your thoughts. Don’t let your thoughts run you.

Accountability Coaching

Join my team of No Excuse Ninjas! I offer accountability coaching for meals and for the pre-op liquid diet. If you feel like you struggle to stick to your plan, I’ve been there! Let me help you stay on track! Having an accountability partner makes a huge difference. It’s easy to get stuck or plateau. Having that coach/partner can really amp up your journey to get back on track. Join the No Excuse Ninjas and get free access to our Facebook support group full of motivation, freebie printables, book club, and recipes! Click here to see details!