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excerpt from the book:

I’m just tired, I’m just fat, I have no career, I failed my weight loss surgery and I ’m just a failure at 37.” I said in an exasperated tone flailing my arms around. These are the words I just said to my therapist. It wasn’t tired like I hadn’t slept well, it was tired of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I had weight loss surgery and completely failed that! I had no career to speak of at 37 and my girls were teens and I still hadn’t given them the life I always wanted to. “

“Stop Heather!” My brain was screaming as I paused to assess what I just said. But I didn’t stop. Some part of me, the stronger part, wanted me to acknowledge it.

I kept seeing “555” for like three days straight. I didn’t realize it till the 3rd day in a row and it pinged hard in my head that I was literally seeing the numbers 555 in a multitude of places for the past 3 days. I saw it on receipts, I saw it on clocks at home, cars, businesses. My Lunch at McDonalds cost $5.55 exactly, I watched a TikTok about sequences of numbers including 555, it was 5:55 when I clicked off my zoom meeting on the second evening, and even more!

I’m not typically into numerology, only because I’ve never studied it before, but I am a very spiritual person and know of it and believe in signs from higher powers or past loved ones. A thought came over me to google the meaning of 555. I had seen a TikTok the other day about what the number 111 meant. I remembered in the bottom description were the hashtags, #111, #333, #555, #777. It didn’t register to me at the time I was watching it, but today, this third day of seeing this sequence of numbers it did.

I googled “555 meaning” and this is what I found “The truth is that your state of being creates your circumstances, and not the other way around” BAM! If that doesn’t hit you like a ton of bricks I don’t know what will! I repeated it out loud to myself a few times. I believe so strongly in the saying “nothing changes if nothing changes” This meaning of 555 was an even more powerful version of that.

BAM, it hit me again: I had been having so many problems the past year and half, and mourned it all letting myself become a victim. And with that victim mentality came destructive behavior. Embarrassing behavior. Behavior that kept me stuck in the sadness of it all. But what I realized in that moment is that as rough or sad as the circumstances around me were, I too had a part in how my life was going, by the way I was reacting to it. By the way I was neglecting myself through it. By the way I lost my power through it.

Then another meaning of 555 came to mind….Dad. He had died 3 years ago on May 5th, and was buried in the 55th sector at the Arlington cemetery. My dad was talking to me. My dad was trying to help me. He never could help much when he was alive because his poor soul was so entrapped in his own terrible childhood and young adult circumstances which undoubtedly led him to being an alcoholic. He died of alcoholism at 55 years old. He didn’t want me to live in whatever pain I was feeling and lose myself to it like he did.

555….this number spoke to me on so many levels. He wants to help me change my circumstances or destructive behavior like he was never able to do for himself when he was alive despite his many whole hearted attempts. He just could nover get the success of it. But you could always tell he wanted to so badly. He loved me so much, and I see that so much now. Sadly, I didn’t when he was alive.

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